30 and never been on a date? Or new to the gay scene and looking for your tribe? Myra DuBois solves your woes (EXCLUSIVE)

As seen on television, star of stages and screens both large and small, popular on either side of the hemisphere and beyond, the multi-award-winning Ms Myra DuBois humbly answers your problems. Here, the acid-tongued siren from South Yorkshire serves up advice on taking the first step towards finding love, and similarly stepping outside your comfort zone to find your gay group of friends. Myra, please take the floor…

Myra: Dearest reader,

How gorgeous to welcome you back to my little surgery here in the pages of Attitude magazine.

Your pleas for help have been flying through my letterbox at Myra Towers, and since answering them in this column, the improvement to the national mood hasn’t gone unnoticed by those at the top.

I’ve had representatives from global world leaders begging me to clean up their countries. I’ve said NO to them all – the readership of this very publication needs me the most. So, shall we begin?

Finding your tribe as a gay man in London

Reader: Dear Myra DuBois, 

I’m relatively new to the gay nightlife scene here in London after studying for a media degree at university in the south of England with relatively little queer exposure. What is your advice for finding your tribe in the depths of London’s club scene? 

From, Aaron, 21, Croydon  

Myra: Hello Aaron, 

How endearing of you to refer to Croydon as “London”. Some people say cruel things about Croydon, but not me! For example, Croydon… has great views of London. Now, to the problem at hand: your failing social life.  

The LGBTQ+ club scene must be incredibly intimidating. I only ever dip a toe in it when I’m paid to, so let’s focus on the part of your problem where I think I can help: finding your tribe.  

Here’s what you’re going to do: you’re going to keep away from social media. You’re not scrolling endlessly, watching other people’s fun, waiting to be invited. Yes, of course you’ll do some light research online. Locate bars with a clientele that you think you can vibe with and so on, but then it’s phone down and just go to them. People-watch. Sit in coffee shops in nearby areas and take in the ambience. Go to pub quizzes, go to events – whatever venues are offering. The only way to find people is to go out there and meet them; there’s no shortcut. 

Wishing you a speedy transition from friendless pity to toast of town.  

Fondly, Myra DuBois 

30 and never been on a date

Reader: Hi Myra, 

I’m a 30-year-old gay man who has never really dated because I was always focused on building my career. At the time, it felt like the right priority, but now I feel embarrassed and behind compared to everyone else. I’d like to start exploring dating and hopefully find a meaningful connection, but I honestly don’t know where to begin. Do you have any advice for someone entering the dating scene for the first time in their thirties, especially when it comes to building confidence, finding genuine relationships and my dating style? 

From, Ashley, 30, Clapham

Myra: Ashley, my love,  

I’ll hold your hand as I say this because I say it with love: that’s the dullest letter to ever darken my doormat. It sounds to me like you’re caught up in what you should be doing rather than truly living. “I’ve focused on my career and now realise I should have a relationship and a mortgage.”   

Having expectations of where you should be on the carousel of life is so… heterosexual. I said yes to the position of ‘Empath in Residence’ (Agony Aunt is such a common term) at a gay magazine so I could dish out such advice as which brand of poppers is best served with white wine, or how to politely poke in your prolapse in public.

If you want to date, date! The apps are just waiting for you to open them up – as are the men. Perhaps meet up with Aaron from Croydon and hit the town? He’s a bit of a loner, but everyone needs a wingman, and beggars can’t be choosers, can they, Ashley? Rather than lament that love hasn’t arrived, tell the universe that you’re open to romance, and open your heart to new experiences. The universe always delivers. Just get yourself out there and stop piling expectations on yourself based on where you are in life.

Fondly, Myra DuBois

Until we meet again in this safe space of empathy, 
Lots of love, 

Myra DuBois 

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This a feature appearing in issue 371 of Attitude magazine, on sale in print and digital now. Order Attitude magazine issue 371 in print now, or in digital on the links below on Apple News+ and the Attitude app.