Dita Von Teese’s Nocturnelle review: a five-star fantasy
"The world’s most spellbinding Teese proves herself to be peerless on her opening night," writes Attitude's Katerina Muszanskyj
As the house curtains of Manchester’s Apollo Theatre part, Dita Von Teese takes centre stage on the opening night of her UK tour… or does she? Nocturnelle’s delicious opener plays with misdirection and theatrical seduction in a way only a true mistress of illusion could achieve.
Following on from Dita’s first act, drag sensation BenDeLaCreme explodes onto the stage in leopard print and introduces herself as the host for the evening. Her razor-sharp camp sets the tone perfectly as she begins toying with the well-humoured crowd before introducing the second act of the evening, Laszlo Major.
A ballet dancer by training, Major blends the art form with pole and striptease into a routine built on immaculate poise and strength. Without giving too much away, every line on his body feels intentional, and his raw strength and precision make the room hold its breath.
“Classic showgirl glamour with old Hollywood charm”
Next comes Zelia Rose, a Melbourne-raised showgirl. Introduced by BenDeLaCreme as a “deadly specimen”, she certainly lives up to the name. Drenched in bold red and joined by feather dancers, her number leans into classic showgirl glamour with old Hollywood charm.
From Prague, blonde bombshell Tosca Rivola arrives after Zelia in white sparkles. Having met Dita at an open Hollywood casting, Rivola was famously asked to bring her whip to Dita’s home and whip a rose clean from her prospective colleague’s mouth – I guess she got the job! Her hoop-spinning act is elegant and dangerous, balancing beauty with threat.
BenDeLaCreme returns after a costume change for a brilliantly chaotic lip-sync, playing with speed and timing while jokingly exclaiming, “I hope you all leave tonight’s show and say BenDeLaCreme touched me,” before re-introducing Dita to the stage for her second act.
“A true picture of burlesque fantasy”
Dita’s pink pony club is one I would like a membership for. Sat upon a carousel horse, she is cinched into a perfect pink corset, pink sequin stockings and her signature red-soled Louboutins – a true picture of burlesque fantasy. The crowd dissolves into her charm as she does what she does best. Confetti rains down over Dita and the crowd as the curtains fall for the interval.
Post-interval, BenDeLaCreme returns once more, this time impersonating Dita herself. With glitter spilling from her pantyhose and pasties for days, the parody lands as affectionate and fabulously excessive.
“Swords, diamonds and one of the most beautiful black gowns I have ever seen”
Dita’s next act is pure seduction. It features swords, diamonds and one of the most beautiful black gowns I have ever seen. Assisted by Stevie Day and Amber the Magician, their assistants make Laszlo the victim of the illusion. The temptress narrative is a personal highlight of the night. Who doesn’t want to put a man in a box and make him sweat a little?
Spoiler: Laszlo survives this one… and returns to the stage with Tosca for a business-casual striptease involving whips and power play. It’s just the kind of cheeky, choreographed interlude to ease us into a first-time performance on Dita’s tour circuit for Rashid Alexander, an Afro-Cuban belly dancer from the Netherlands. His charm and hypnotic fluidity can only be described as beautiful.
By this point we were gasping for a drink – which was perfect, as one very, very dirty martini was making her way to the stage. Miss Exotic World and the number-one burlesque star in the USA for five years running, Ms Martini was never going to disappoint. Her flame-coloured robe and sparkly red slippers were just what we ordered.
“In that moment it felt like we could change the world nipple by nipple”
BenDeLaCreme then joins Dirty on stage as they perform a “breast-defying” routine, teaching the audience how to helicopter their nipple tassels. Better than any man, we were hooting and hollering. As BenDeLaCreme waves Dirty off, she tells us, “Take this feeling in here and bring it out there.” She’s right, in that moment, it felt like we could change the world nipple by nipple.
With no time for us to recover, Stevie Day and Amber arrive on stage in pink top hats and tails, welcoming Dita into the finale: her world-famous martini glass routine. The one I have waited years to see, the one I used to have posted on my MySpace profile and hoped one day I would see in the flesh. This was my moment.
Drenched in diamonds that catch the light from every angle, Dita takes her time with us, performing her striptease down to diamond pasties before slipping into her signature martini glass and splashing her way into a moment so iconic it feels like something you only ever see on TV. It was everything we hoped it would be. It’s official: you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Dita Von Teese in a martini glass.
And then the curtain falls for the final time…
Dita and her Von-tourage return shortly after to take their final bow to a standing ovation from the crowd on night one. The theatre erupts from tip to toe. There’s something in Nocturnelle for everyone… if you’ve got taste.
Catch the final remaining tickets for Nocturnelle on the My Tickets website.
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