Munroe Bergdorf says ‘conversation is always the solution – it enables a sense of freedom’ (EXCLUSIVE)

Munroe Bergdorf – model, author and advocate for trans rights — has long been a vital voice in the fight for equality. Her documentary Love and Rage, which screened on 10 and 11 June, explores “a documentation of how we got to this point” in the fight for trans rights. Here she calls for more empathy and meaningful conversation in an increasingly divided world.

Lately, it feels as though we have reached a point in history where we are collectively overwhelmed by information, content and an incessant and rapidly changing news cycle. Whereas in the past something sensational might happen once a month, now every single day there’s something mind-blowing occurring, and we’re all encouraged to have an opinion on it. 

However, we’re also now living in a society that’s becoming increasingly polarised, to the point that many of our conversations aren’t conversations at all. So often, we’re encouraged to simply pick a side, rather than find a solution or a compromise. We’re so concerned with being ‘right’ that we fail to meet each other with respect, understanding and empathy. We don’t seek to understand how somebody landed on the views that they have, and this lack of genuine conversation is one of the biggest barriers we face to achieving real progress. 

Understanding how a viewpoint is formed is key to this. For example, in the UK, women’s fear of violence at the hands of a man has been weaponised against trans people. But there are different kinds of transphobia. There’s active transphobia, where people are actively invested in dehumanising and targeting trans people in a violent and incessant way. And then there are people who have ended up parroting transphobic rhetoric they’ve heard from others, driven by their own fears. It’s for this reason that I believe it’s so important that we first try to understand where people are coming from when we find ourselves engaged in a debate or an argument, be it online or in person. 

None of us was born with perfectly shaped politics. We don’t come out of the womb saying, “I’m voting Green.” We’ve all, in our lives, absorbed negative opinions or oppressive ideologies until we have a conversation which has helped us understand why that point of view is harmful. In my new book Talk to Me, I write about how it is crucial that we offer each other more grace in order to get to a better place, rather than just demonising each other for what is often the result of a lack of education, or in some cases the product of manipulation by those with an ulterior motive. 

Now, of course, when it is your own human rights that are somehow up for discussion, it’s not always easy to offer grace to the person you’re speaking with, but we must remember that it’s all about intention. Sometimes it’s important to choose peace over being right, which I often practise when it’s clear that somebody isn’t willing to see my humanity, and thus won’t be able to understand what I’m saying. Give people chances, but when you find yourself in a conversation where you’re constantly being presented with a brick wall, then I think you need to protect yourself, take some breaths, and remind yourself that not everybody wants to — and therefore not everybody will — see your humanity. 

I believe that conversation is always the solution, and so it’s deeply concerning when we see attempts to shut communication down, because that’s when we end up in a state of fascism or autocracy. Conversation enables a sense of freedom. For example, many people believe there should be no discussion of politics in a workplace, but you can’t detach people from politics. Trans people are facing the potential introduction of segregation laws, whereby if you’re a trans woman who has had gender-affirming surgery or care, and you look ‘too much like a woman’, then you can’t use the women’s toilet, but you can’t use the men’s either. That leaves you in the workplace with no access to a toilet. These issues are inherently politicised, so to suggest there should be no politics in a workplace simply upholds oppressive structures — which is inherently political. There’s no getting away from politics, even if we try. Everybody should always be able to talk about their experiences and not feel silenced about what they’re going through. 

Conversely, we must keep in mind that an opposing viewpoint is not necessarily a sign of bigotry, and jumping to hurl this accusation at someone is usually not conducive to progress. We must all interrogate how we choose to communicate and interact with the world around us. We must accept that someone with an opposing viewpoint is not always necessarily a bigot, and resist the urge to simply write someone off or cancel them. Only when we are able to focus on the humanity of the individual we are speaking to can true progress be made. 

Talk To Me by Munroe Bergdorf is out now.