Are gay men doing enough to support trans women? Four community voices give their take

Ella Morgan (she/her)
TV star

Gay men can help women by more openly acknowledging that they owe their civil liberties to Black trans women and lesbians. Defend the rights of their queer siblings instead of pretending the T isn’t in LGBTQ.  We don’t need to separate ourselves from LGB people. Gender identity is different from sexual orientation, but we’re still a minority facing similar struggles. Being trans in the 2020s is like being homosexual in the 1980s/90s. We’re one big queer community with one thing in common: the struggle to be accepted by those who aren’t queer.

Gay men should be able to hold space with empathy rather than exclude and ostracise — they should be allies. Gay men can educate themselves, listen to us and and spread our stories with hope. Engage in conversation with trans women — get to know us.

By standing alongside one another as a united community, we will create more positive progress. By speaking out, showing allyship, reposting on social media and educating others, gay men can use their voice to spread the word, standing united with love and compassion for their own community.

Mzz Kimberley (she/her)
Actress/singer

Gay men are a red flag. It’s devastating. But let’s not get it twisted — there are wonderful gay men who do understand our struggles. They recognise the shared challenges of marginalisation, the importance of solidarity. But there are others who cling to traditional, rigid views of gender and sexuality. Ironically, these same men will corner your boyfriend at the bar, proudly informing him you’re “really a man”. When rejected, they don’t realise they could have endangered your life for the sake of a failed attempt at a quick shag. These men strive to conform to the very social constructs that have long oppressed all marginalised people, seeking validation from the same systems that demean them.

Then there are those who parrot so-called ‘gender-critical’ rhetoric and transphobic talking points and reduce our existence to mere ideology. They’re often the men who once despised lesbians yet are now united in a shared mission to erase trans women.

Unfortunately, there’s too much division and hostility within our ranks. Some want to dictate how others should think and behave, only to create more fractures.

India Willoughby (she/her)
Broadcaster

It breaks my heart to say this, but no — not even close. We’re dying out here. It’s extermination by legislation. We’re fading away like Marty McFly’s photo in Back to the Future. And it’s all happening silently, with no protest.

My best friend, Jesse, is gay. I met him a year after I completed my physical transition. This might sound surprising, but I knew close to nothing about gay people because in my old life I wasn’t a gay man. Through Jesse I learnt a lot, and so did he from me. He’s been an absolute rock. Trans and gay may be different, but there’s a lot of commonalities too.

I love the way Jesse defends trans people day-to-day, and that’s important, but what he can do is limited.

With the exception of Graham Norton and Russell T Davies, there are more cis celebrities — David Tennant, Daniel Radcliffe, Madonna — speaking up for trans people than famous gays. You’d think the gradual legal eradication of trans people in the UK and US has nothing to do with you, but it does. The real targets of the gender-critical movement are gay rights and women’s rights. You are next.

Dani St James (she/her)
Chief executive of Not a Phase

Sadly, I think as British gay men have gained rights over the past two decades, many have been blinded by the light of liberation. As a result, they’ve unknowingly pulled the ladder up behind them. That’s not to say that even in these modern times, gay men have it easy —  especially those whose identities shine bright. But in comparison to the T in the acronym, they are in the most privileged position. But as with privilege of any kind, it can be put to action; the platform for change can be created.

I know this will sound hyperbolic, but gay men have been the biggest loves of my life for as long as I remember. It hurts my heart to see large swathes forget about the trans community. I hope they see the opportunity they have to bring us up with them. Using the workplace as an example: for many companies in this country, having a gay guy on the team is the beginning and end of their diversity efforts. These men have an opportunity to use their trusted positions to educate those around them on how to enrich their workplace culture by opening doors. Here’s my call to action, boys: we really bloody love you and we need you now more than ever. Sort it out!

This article first appeared in issue 364 of Attitude magazine, available to order here, and alongside 15 years of back issues on the free Attitude app.