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Anti-gay UKIP candidate says she finds gorillas “very attractive”

By Ross Semple

A UKIP candidate has admitted that she is sexually attracted to gorillas.

Gisela Allen, a candidate for local council in Glasgow, made the somewhat startling revelation while discussing why she thinks LGBT+ should keep their sexuality private.

“I am not anti-gay,” she told the Clydebank Post – which is usually the precursor to something anti-gay, “But how can you call that a community?

“Sex life is everybody’s private affair. You do not come out and declare openly.” What about couples who declare openly that they are expecting a child after having a lot of sex, Gisela?

“Do you think I am going all over the city and saying my idea of a sexually-attractive creature is a gorilla?” Erm, what now?

“When I go to a zoo and I see a gorilla my hormones go absolutely crazy,” Gisela explains. “I find a gorilla very attractive.” Is that all gorillas or have you got your eye on one in particular, Gisela?

This raises a lot of questions, though it’s perhaps unsurprising as polling recently found that UKIP members are most sympathetic to those who wish to have sex with animals.

Allen’s other bright ideas include getting rid of all golf courses because “they’re an environmental threat and a threat to the safety of people”, and abolishing free bus passes because “these people should be encouraged to walk”.

Good luck with the campaign Gisela. We hope you don’t make the mistake that so many politicians do and put your foot in your mouth.

More stories:
New UKIP leader who opposes same-sex marriage names gay MEP as his deputy
Gay UKIP candidate claimed feminists are ‘vile’