Is ghosting ever acceptable? Four voices offer their take
Is disappearing without explanation always a cowardly way out, or are there situations where cutting contact is the kinder, safer or simply more sensible option?
Ghosting has become an almost unavoidable part of modern dating – but that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier to navigate. Is disappearing without explanation always a cowardly way out, or are there situations where cutting contact is the kinder, safer or simply more sensible option?
In this edition of Foursight, Drew Naylor, Demi Echezona, Alex Milsom and Ben Blair debate whether ghosting is ever acceptable. From toxic encounters and personal boundaries to accidental “ghostage” and one very memorable case of ghosting that eventually led to marriage, they explore when silence can be justified – and when you simply owe someone a goodbye.
Drew Naylor – Global Head of VIP, Bacchus Agency
The real question isn’t whether ghosting is acceptable, but whether the other person has earned the right to an explanation in the first place. Ghosting is rarely acceptable, but not never. In the context of dating, it’s a complete cop-out. If someone has taken the time to get to know you, they deserve honesty, even if that honesty is uncomfortable to deliver. Disappearing without explanation doesn’t spare their feelings; it just outsources your discomfort onto them, leaving them confused, second-guessing themselves, unable to move on. A simple, direct message “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, but I don’t see this going further” costs you very little and gives the other person real closure. However, I don’t think this obligation is unconditional. If a relationship or friendship has become toxic, if someone has treated you badly, disrespected your boundaries, or made you feel unsafe, you don’t owe them an explanation. Walking away, without justifying yourself to someone who hasn’t earned that consideration, isn’t cruelty… it’s a boundary you should protect.
Demi Echezona – Assistant Editor, VERVE Books; participant on I Kissed a Girl, series one
Yes, ghosting is sometimes acceptable, but it’s not a new concept. How many letters have gone unanswered throughout history? How many young ladies have had lovers that went to war that they never heard from again? Of course, the sudden severing of a connection is never pleasant, and in an ideal world we would all receive closure, but ghosting can be a good lesson in learning to let go for the perpetrator and the recipient of the online silence. There are the obvious reasons as to why one should ghost a person: if someone has disrespected you, made you feel unsafe, or hasn’t asked you a single question about yourself. I think, for these reasons, ghosting should be normalised, even encouraged. Especially for people socialised as women. We’re always expected to carry out the emotional labour, to do the hard thing, and sometimes that just isn’t fair. Is it mature to communicate all the ways in which you’re not compatible? Sure, but in an age of quick swipes and borderline transactional dates, I’m not going to bother someone with my exit if they didn’t care about my entrance.
Alex Milsom – Radio presenter and creative
I can give you two reasons but there are many more: it’s brutal to say but sometimes they deserve it, and sometimes – if you’re anything like me – you just forget. First: have you ever been on a date and felt so objectified and grossed out, you book an Uber home for a hot shower? I have. I felt like a piece of meat on a charcuterie board and blocking him was a “need” not a “want”. The hot shower was just a way of getting rid of the icky feeling. But the second is bigger: do you have the object permanence of a three-month-old, like I do? I forget to pay bills, celebrate birthdays, reply to emails, do tasks, even to go for a wee at the best of times – so throw a lovely human being in who you’ve just met, plus all the to-and-fro of messaging and distractions of life, and it isn’t a recipe for success. Sometimes life truly does get that busy, and you can recover a bad accidental “ghostage” (that’s what I’m calling it!) by being honest. Yes, forgetting to reply isn’t an ideal situation – but as long as you didn’t do it deliberately as some form of disrespect, that’s what counts here. Nobody’s perfect.
Ben Blair – Account manager, recruitment; husband of Attitude editor-in-chief Cliff Joannou
No. Although I was guilty of doing it to my now-husband 20 years ago when we first met. It was easier then as we only had texts and calls to communicate – no social media to follow people’s lives on. We just weren’t ready for each other then. Looking back, I know I was a coward. Think about how you would feel if the tables were turned. Don’t leave them guessing, because people have enough wondering in life without you adding to it and making them feel terrible about themselves. My advice to anyone dating today would be to hold off on connecting on all your social media platforms with someone you fancy when you first meet. Maybe just text until you know whether you want to take the next step. Be decent and let someone know if it’s not working for you. It also reflects on you, so don’t project a cowardly image of yourself on the market – the world is a small place. You never know, you might end up marrying them years from now and then have to deal with the guilt and constant digs about your ghosting history from your future husband!
This feature appears in Attitude’s September/October 2026 issue.