Who could be amazing on ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ this year?

Strictly Come Dancing

is back tonight (September 7), which means it’s almost the time of year where you wear several jumpers to stave off the urge to flick the heating on, and you can’t resist the almost sexual allure of a warm, stodgy casserole.

Last year I had the dubious honour of being The Mirror’s Strictly correspondent, a role which required me to watch it, all of it, and make astute observations about sequins, feather boas and 50% of the Hairy Bikers.

During that time I learned that Strictly is absolutely brilliant telly, and it’s quite adeptly made itself a classy reality show in an era where anything involving “celebs” comes under scrutiny for being inherently awful (see: Tumble, The Jump, etc).

Celebrities want to be on Strictly because it’s PR gold; guys look buff in unbuttoned Latin-inspired shirts; ladies smother their legs in Vaseline and strut about all sexy, like. Brucey cocks up a joke and gazes vacantly into Camera 5 and we laugh. OK, that won’t be happening this year because Brucey’s finally hung up his tap shoes, but there should be more than enough lolz from Bruno and Craig to plug the gap.

There’s no pressure for anyone to actually be good, of course, because unlike the contestants on The X Factor, this lot all have jobs to go to when the curtain draws – and the added spotlight they get from the show usually means they can ask for a hefty pay rise.

This year, the line-up has come under fire for not being very good, but I disagree. Below you’ll find my brief notes on each contestant, followed by a score out of 10 for their “potential amazingness”:

• Frankie From The Saturdays. Has the personality of a sweet potato, part of persistent musical troupe The Saturdays. Potential amazingness: 6
• Scott Mills. Probably not very good on his feet, but Scott is a nice guy, and he’ll probably enjoy looking ridiculous. Potential amazingness: 7
• Judy Murray. Notable career goals include being Andy Murray’s mum, coaching Andy Murray and standing next to Andy Murray. Sports[wo]manship high, but potential amazingness is a solid 3.
• Thom Evans. Sporty rugby types are always popular on SCD because of the ‘he’s so masculine but look, he’s expressing himself through dance’ thing, and Thom (pronounced “Tom”) Evans seems light on his feet. Potential amazingness: 8
• Gregg Wallace. Hmm. Potential amazingness: 4
• Pixie Lott. Probably an amazing dancer but I think we’d all rather she plonked out a decent song rather than clart about in a ballroom. Then again, the new album isn’t great is it? Potential amazingness: 7
• Mark Wright. International Owner Of A Nice Face Mark Wright is a bit of a ‘cheeky chappy’ and even though he can sometimes be insufferable, he’s probably really good at dancing. Expect a transformation into a more likeable person and an inevitably poor ITV2 show in 2015. Potential amazingness: 8
• Caroline Flack. Flacko! She’ll probably be quite good although so far the line-up is quite ‘will this do’ isn’t it? Potential amazingness: 8
• Simon Webbe. Webbo! Coming in a solid #3 on my list of ‘top four members of Blue I’d like to see on SCD’, Webbo has a background of dancing out of context so he’ll ace this. Potential amazingness: 9.
• Jennifer Gibney. WHOM? Oh, she’s in Mrs Brown’s Boys. Potential amazingness: 3
• Tim Wonnacott. WHOM? Oh, he presents TV while I’m at work. Potential amazingness: -5
• Sunetra Sarker. The press shot makes it look as if poor Sunetra has dislocated her arm, but that natural bendiness might help during the tango. Potential amazingness: 5
• Jake Wood. Doesn’t seem particularly exciting but then neither is granola if you think about it, and I have that most mornings. Potential amazingness: 5. Seems like the kind of person who might twist his ankle in week 2, though.
• Alison Hammond. Her off of Big Brother 2 (who, Google tells me, has gone on to forge a career as an “entertainment correspondent”). Potential amazingness, bolstered by the fact she was a great contestant on BB: 6
• Steve Backshall. Everyone’s favourite “BAFTA-winning naturalist”, Steve has the unfortunate honour of bringing out zero emotion in me whatsoever. Good luck anyway. Potential amazingness: 6

 

So there you go. It might not be the most polished line-up (where’s Karen off The Apprentice, or Cilla Black, or Attitude‘s own Dr Christian?) but Strictly has chosen some good contestants this year: young, hot, up for a tabloid-coordinated fling between now and Crimbo. I’m not even being paid to watch it this year, but I’m going to be glued to my screen*.

*I might watch some episodes on an iPad

> If you’re a fan of Strictly‘s Mark Wright, check out our recent Picture Special featuring the former TOWIE star here.

> Or if you’re a fan of Strictly‘s Thom Evans, check him out backstage on his recent shirtless ‘Attitude’ cover shoot here.