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Cara Delevingne says she was ‘suicidal and homophobic’ before coming out

"There is still a part of me where I'm like, 'Oh, I wish I could just be straight.''"

By Jamie Tabberer

Words: Jamie Tabberer; picture: Instagram/caradelevingne

Cara Delevingne has opened up about her journey to self-acceptance over her sexuality, saying she was “suicidal” and “homophobic” before coming out.

The supermodel said last year she identifies as “pansexual”, and has been public in her relationships with women since 2015.

However, the Paper Towns actress discussed her closeted teenage years with Gwyneth Paltrow on the latest episode of her Goop podcast.

“I didn’t know anyone who was gay”

The 28-year-old said she grew up in “an old-fashioned household”, adding: “I didn’t know anyone who was gay.”

“I didn’t know that was a thing and actually I think growing up I wasn’t knowledgeable of the fact I was homophobic,” she added.

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A post shared by Cara Delevingne (@caradelevingne)

The Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets star explained that “the idea of being [with] same-sex [partners]” left her feeling “disgusted.”

“I was like, ‘Oh my god, I would never, that’s disgusting, ugh.'”

She continued: “I do correlate the massive depression and the suicidal moments of my life [to that] because I was so ashamed of ever being that. But actually, that was the part of me that I love so much and accept.”

Cara, whose TV roles include Carnival Row, says her sexuality is “constantly changing” and that “there is still a part of me where I’m like, ‘Oh, I wish I could just be straight.’ There is still that side to it. It is really complicated.”

Nevertheless, she says she now feels “so much more comfortable in the fluidity of what it is to be just a human and to be an animal, almost, because that’s what we are. To trust in your own instincts.”

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