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A gay man explains the tragic reason why he isn’t paying for his daughter’s wedding anymore

The man's daughter had a few requests that he simply couldn't agree to.

By Alastair James

Words: Alastair James; pictures: Pixabay

A father, who is gay, has explained why he won’t be going to his own daughter’s wedding and it’s honestly quite tragic.

The man posted his situation in a Reddit channel called Not the A-hole around 24 March.

He explains that his daughter, who he had with his ex-wife when they were 18, was getting married in June and he had previously promised to pay for her wedding but had changed his mind after being told his own husband and child couldn’t attend.

“Everyone including her mom is calling me selfish”

The man also explains how his wife of six years had an amicable divorce after he came out and split custody of his daughter. He has since been with a male partner for 14 years with whom he has a two-year-old son.

He says his daughter, who is in the midst of planning her nuptials, asked him for a few things. 

“Since their future in-laws are so conservative and religious, my husband is not allowed to attend the wedding; I said: OK it’s your day,” he explains.

The second request was: “My son (2) can’t attend either. No, it’s not going to be a child-free wedding.”

And finally, the man was told he couldn’t talk about his ‘lifestyle’ because “she doesn’t [want to] make her in-laws uncomfortable.”

“Therefore,” he continues, “I told her that if her in-laws are so important, they should pay for the wedding, she got mad at me and called me a child and said that if I keep on with this ‘attitude’ she’ll ask her FIL [Father in Law] to walk her down the aisle.

“Then I said: ‘fine if my family isn’t welcomed and I’m excluded, I’m not paying for the wedding’. She was furious and said I was being selfish, picking favourites, and not thinking about her at all.”

The man’s daughter then reminded him of his earlier promise and said that she and her fiancé can’t afford the wedding as they’re “too young”. 

“Everyone including her mom is calling me selfish, So AITA (Am I the A**hole Here) here?” the man poses at the end. 

The responses were overwhelmingly supportive of the man with one person commenting: “She can’t disrespect and try to hide your marriage while also expecting you to pay for hers.” Another person said: “She is prioritising her in laws , so she should ask in laws to pay. NTA (Not The A**hole) and even if she apologises dont pay.”

Someone added: “Oh sweetie. The moment your own daughter told you that your partner was not welcome at her wedding because of her homophobic in-laws, you became absolutely NTA.

“You are not required to pay for an event – not even your daughter’s wedding, not even if once-upon-a-time you promised her you would – at which your life partner, the man you love, the father of your other child, and a man WHO HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO HURT OR BETRAY YOUR DAUGHTER IN ANY WAY (most importantly) is not welcome to stand by your side as a welcome member of your family. Period.”

Attitude’s new-look March/April issue is out now.