Gay pro-footballer Zander Murray speaks candidly about homophobia in sport: ‘You lose a game and fans go for the jugular’
Exclusive: "This isn't me going ‘everyone should come out now’ - I’m just hoping people can be inspired and empowered," says Zander of his new BBC documentary Out on the Pitch
Professional footballer Zander Murray unintentionally made international headlines last September when he casually mentioned on social media that he was gay.
“I made a harmless Facebook post because I was out to the majority of people,” the 31-year-old explains. “I woke up the next morning and it exploded.”
Speaking to Attitude over Zoom six months later from his home in Glasgow, Zander – a striker who’s scored 100+ goals during his long career – admits he never expected such a reaction. “Not with how mental it got,” he says, with a dazed look on his face. “It just shows you still where we’re at. But being able to be your true authentic self… Yes there are still challenges. But what a difference. My life is transformed. It’s been years of pain but it’s all been worth it.”
Here, Zander – who plays for Bonnyrigg Rose, a Scottish Professional Football League club in League 2 – reveals all about life since coming out, from dealing with homophobic trolls to dating (or not…he says he “doesn’t have the time!”), and fronting his own documentary for the BBC, Out On the Pitch, out today.
What’s the Out On the Pitch elevator pitch?
It’s essentially my story growing up as a young closeted gay professional academy player. And the struggles I had with that. It also captures a feel of where we’re at in terms of being out as sportspeople. I spoke to people from all different walks of life who are out and gay in their field. Right up to the national level, which is the Scottish Football Association. We get a different take at different levels, showcasing it’s still an issue.
Was there anything about yourself you were in two minds about sharing in the doc?
Because it’s a personal story and it’s going out to the mainstream media, I was very, very conscious of not wanting to share too much. But then understanding that the more you share, the more you can relate to more people. There was a little bit of back and forth with how much I wanted to give out.
A big thing I wanted to advocate was, this is not me putting pressure on other players in the closet. This is not me going: ‘Everyone should come out now.’ I’m just hoping people can be inspired and empowered. If that helps them begin a journey, and actually come out, so be it.
In terms of the other out gay football players, there are a few of now… Do you have a group chat?
No, but obviously we’ve shared exchanges. There are very few of us, but we keep in touch. Ex-footballers as well.
Have you connected with Peter Tatchell, who recently spoke of his relationship with the late Justin Fashanu, who played for a team you used to play for.
Obviously I’ve followed Peter Tatchell and what he did, especially when he went to Qatar. A brave human being. He really fights the fight. I’ve not had any conversations with him. I have spoken to Dr Nas [the Qatari LGBTQ activist Dr. Nas Mohammed], that was amazing.
I do want to touch on Qatar. How did you feel when the football players didn’t wear the armband?
I looked at it as though they actually wanted to. Harry Kane was public about it. I enjoyed Germany’s national team, they came with Pride flags on their aeroplane. Denmark were amazing in calling it out. Strides are definitely happening and these key figures in men’s football are speaking about it. But still, at the core, why [was] it played there? Of course I was shouting against it on social media, but it takes its toll. Getting that negative criticism and feedback, there’s only so much you can shout about it. You can only give out so much.
When you were playing football while in the closet, was it ever difficult keeping it a secret? Keeping the door completely shut until you decided to take that step?
There wasn’t a linear straight path to just coming out. There were many periods I was really, really close and shivered away. Whenever someone came out in the game you’d see comments and see how much backlash they get and that impacts you. Also, people talking about it and addressing it, if they’re derogatory, just feeds into your internalised homophobia. It’s been a tough process. That’s something I give out in my documentary in great detail… You need to put that Grindr app miles away in a hidden folder! You need to be so conscious, you’re living a double life. I just don’t want anyone else to go through that. I know it will happen. But if I can be another pillar of the community and be a role model and help, I know how hard it is.
What would your advice be to a young LGBTQ person who wants to get into football, and sports generally, but is put off by the anti-LGBTQ sentiments – especially transphobic sentiments?
I would honestly say, from experiences, you need to build your armour up to deal with the sh*t. The negativity, the homophobic attacks. It does happen. It still happens. You need to be able to handle that. How do you handle that? You need to begin to accept yourself. I came out as gay but nobody gave me a rulebook on being out in public. Just sitting in a cafe talking about RuPaul’s Drag Race and I’m shivering, like: ‘Who’s about?’ I was terrified. It took so long to fully accept myself. Once you’ve fully accepted yourself and are walking around like: ‘I don’t care if anyone abuses me’, that’s the sweet spot in sports. Because you know what fans are like. You lose a game and they go for the jugular and try to hurt you in any way possible. We’ve seen it with racism when Markus Rashford missed that penalty at the Euros. That’s not a positive story, but those are tangible ways you can protect yourself.
I’m really shocked. I was expecting to hear we’re a few stages ahead.
There’s absolutely been progress, you can see that.
What kind of care are you receiving from your employer, teammates, colleagues and the professional community?
We’ve got the Professional Footballers’ Association. The equalities lead always keeps in touch with me. Similarly, with the club, we’ve got so many people attached to the club that check in on me. There is LGBT sports media. There’s a collective [of out sportspeople] now so we’re all together. We got to events. I love going to them! We have these shared experiences and people really understand. Charity-based work, as well, I love. It really helps.
What is it like dating as a new out public figure?
To be fair, I don’t have time to. Football and the media craze has been tough on that department!