‘I went to Italy to legally change my gender – what happened next was truly healing’
It's considered one of Europe's most regressive countries for LGBTQ rights – and yet "here I am, finally at home in the country I left behind," writes Jude in this inspirational op-ed
When I walked out of an Italian courtroom at 39 years old, having finally been granted legal recognition as a man, I expected relief. I didn’t expect healing.
Italy is considered one of the most regressive Western European countries for LGBTQ+ rights, with the UK not far behind. However, I wanted to share my unexpected and much-needed joy.
The legal process of changing gender in Italy is arduous, expensive and dehumanising. Mine was only made possible by those who helped me raise thousands of pounds to cover the legal fees.
To my surprise, the legal team were kind and respectful, and it didn’t take long for the judge to tell me that the ruling would likely be approved within a matter of weeks.
I left the courtroom feeling elated and cried tears of grief and joy for days afterwards. I documented my journey on social media, reaching hundreds of thousands of people. It felt like I wasn’t walking the path alone, but with the love of a community cheering me on.
Yet my upbringing was very different. At five years old, I was taken from my bed in the middle of the night and driven away from my home country of Italy to the UK with my mum. That night marked the beginning of a separation that would define much of my life. Not just from my home and family, but from myself.
My mum was a single parent in the 1990s. Without the support she needed, there were periods when she was unable to care for me, and I was placed in the care of different homes and families.
I attended eight schools during the Section 28 generation without the language or understanding to navigate my identity. Instead, I was bullied, called a boy and a lesbian, and learned to reject those parts of myself, carrying a deep sense of shame.
Complex trauma and addiction almost cost me my life before I even reached adulthood. I suffered permanent nerve damage following a severe head injury at 18. According to the doctors, it was a miracle I survived, but something that has taken me a long time to realise is this: I am so glad I did.
When I was 19, my mum found her biological father. In the depths of my addiction, he was able to find the means to put me through life-saving treatment. Considering our family history, moments like these felt like divine intervention, and they kept happening.
Over time, I came to understand that shame isn’t inherent; it is learned, and it can be unlearned.
My journey has been far from linear. I went through multiple rehabs, with periods of recovery followed by relapse. Coming up to a year sober again, I remind myself of what my first mentor in recovery told me: it isn’t how hard you fall, but how you get back up, that truly matters.
This stage was a powerful process of reclaiming my autonomy in the country where I was born and insisting on being myself to the fullest.
Italy represented the place where I had left part of myself behind. Despite returning to attend high school there, I left as a deeply struggling teenage girl.
On this journey of recovery and self-discovery, I began living openly as a trans and non-binary person in the UK nine years ago. This summer I finally began the process of changing my name and gender through the Italian courts.
In the days that followed, there were so many incredible moments. The lady from the local dry cleaners, who used to give me sweets when I was a toddler, approached me out of nowhere, told me how handsome I looked and offered me her bowl of sweets.
It sounds like such a small thing, but I could feel the child within me feeling seen and accepted.
I reunited with my two closest friends from high school for the first time in 23 years. They had known me as a teenager and embraced me completely, showing me that love transcends identity, cultural differences, time and everything that had happened in between.
My friend Alice said, “I would never have judged you.” I made a profound realisation: I had associated so much of my past with shame, discomfort and a lack of belonging. Returning gave me the chance to meet those memories differently. I replied, “I don’t think I was ready to let go of the internalised judgement I had towards myself.”
Without knowing that much about the trans experience, she read my draft and said, “You’re right. I don’t think this journey was about change. It was about aligning with your true self.”
@becomingjude We did it!!! 39 years on the planet, 9 years on this journey, and another milestone today. The verdict: The judge said it should take a matter weeks to get signed off. I sat in front of a judge, with a lawyer, my mum and someone from prosecution from the Department of Justice (who thought I was the lawyer to begin with 🤣) the process was as smooth as I could have hoped for. Born in Italy in 1987 reborn in Italy in 2026. I’ve never cried so much in my life as I have today. Bear with me while I process this. I’ve felt some grief and absolute pure joy. THANK YOU to everyone that helped me get me this far. This means more than anything in the whole world. Today I truly realised how much. I couldn’t have done it without you💗🏳️⚧️ #transinitaly #transtok #transtiktok #LGBT #Nonbinarytiktok ♬ Golden – David Guetta REM/X (Extended) – HUNTR/X & EJAE & AUDREY NUNA & REI AMI & KPop Demon Hunters Cast & David Guetta
Just like that, it felt like I was walking back in time, rewriting my past and writing a different future.
I understood that healing doesn’t always come from leaving the past behind, but from embracing every version of yourself with compassion.
There are still family members I wish had shown up for me, but I’ve learned that love and belonging can be found in chosen family, in strangers and, most importantly, within ourselves.
My 95-year-old Italian grandmother, who lives with dementia, reminded me of that more than anyone. Her unconditional acceptance of my identity has touched millions of people online, challenging assumptions about age, tradition and what acceptance looks like.
Carl Jung wrote that “the privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” Transition offered me that opportunity and opened my eyes in ways they might never have opened had I not been trans.
@becomingjude Aren’t we all from a different generation? Generational differences shouldn’t be used when talking about trans equality, because if she can embrace us then so can the world. #Transtok
♬ original sound – Becoming Jude
Living through a human rights crisis in which trans rights are being stripped away, it’s easy to lose sight of hope and the goodness that still exists.
I spent years allowing fear to consume me, allowing shame to separate me from myself and the rest of the world. But this recent chapter has reminded me that love is healing. Authenticity is powerful, and hope can save lives.
Because it saved mine.
My campaign slogans have included the words, “Make Love the Loudest Voice.” It continues to be a mantra I seek to live by because I believe love is a powerful act of resistance.
This, of course, isn’t just about my queer journey; it’s a human experience of healing, finding the courage to open your heart and let yourself be loved.
My experiences shaped my resilience and taught me never to lose hope. I thought something like this was impossible, and yet here I am, finally at home in the country I left behind and, for the first time, as Jude.
To all those who supported me through this: not only did you make this possible, but you carried me through to a life beyond survival and loved me until I learned to love myself.
As a result, I was able to come home to the child who left all those years ago as the adult I was always meant to become.