Gay dads share joy of life with adopted son in hope it inspires others to ‘take first step’

If you’d walked into our home a year ago, you’d have seen sleek surfaces, minimalist décor, and a fridge with just a few travel magnets – tiny souvenirs from adventures we thought defined us. Today? It’s a beautiful kind of chaos. The fridge is plastered with drawings, stickers, certificates, and the occasional jam smudge, each one a snapshot of how our world turned upside down (in the best possible way) when we adopted our son.

Derry and I always knew we wanted to adopt. It wasn’t a fallback or a second choice – it was a no-brainer. We were aware of how many children were waiting for their forever homes and wanted to open ours to one of them. As soon as we got back from our honeymoon, we started the process. We carved out time each week to tackle the paperwork, the prep, the emotional rollercoaster. It wasn’t always easy, but we remained focused on the future we were building. We weren’t looking for perfection. We were looking for connection.

Our son came to live with us when he was five. He’s been with us for a year now, and our home has transformed in the most joyfully messy way. The space is now alive with family life – “masterpieces” on the walls, toys trailing across the floor, and little keepsakes that tell our story.

Now, I mentioned jam, because one of our first family memories together was blackberry picking. Our son asked if we could make jam with the berries we’d picked, but we were staying in a hotel at the time, so we bought a jar and labelled it ‘Daddy’s Jam’ – just something small to make him smile. Since then, we’ve made our own numerous times, enough to feed all the neighbours. It’s become a sweet little tradition, and a reminder that love isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about showing up, finding joy in the every day, and building something lasting together. That jar of jam was the beginning of our story, and every jar we’ve made together since has been a celebration of how far we’ve come – it represents stability, shared traditions and love.

We chose to adopt an older child, and I’m passionate about encouraging others to consider doing the same. There’s a myth that younger children are easier to bond with, but we’ve found the opposite to be true. Older children bring a unique depth to the experience. They can express their thoughts and emotions more clearly. Our son was able to tell us what he liked, what he feared, what made him feel safe. That openness helped us build trust from the start. With older children, you get to meet them where they are – with their stories, their personalities, their voices. You’re not just shaping their world; you’re stepping into it. And that’s a privilege.

Since sharing our story on social media, people have reached out to say they’ve started their own adoption journeys because of it. That’s humbling. It shows how powerful visibility can be – especially for LGBTQ+ families. There’s no one way to build a family. Whether you’re single, in a couple, or part of a chosen family, what matters most is your ability to offer love, stability and a place to call home.

It’s about celebrating the “perfectly imperfect” homes built through adoption. And I love that. Because our home isn’t perfect. It’s messy, chaotic, joyful, real – and filled with love. That might sound cliché, but it’s true.

The kitchen’s become the heart of everything. It’s where we cook, chat, laugh, and just spend time together. It’s where our son helps stir the jam, where we sit down for meals, and where so many of our favourite memories and conversations have taken shape. 

I know the cost-of-living crisis and pressure to feel “ready” have made many people hesitate, and I completely get it. The world is a particularly daunting place right now. But I want to say this clearly: you do not need to wait for the perfect moment or the perfect circumstances. If you have love to give and space in your heart, that’s enough to start the conversation. Speak to your local adoption agency. There’s no commitment – just a chat. And there’s support every step of the way, even after you adopt.

Our journey hasn’t been without its challenges. There have been ups and downs, and days when we’ve questioned ourselves. Just like any parent does. But every time our son laughs, every time he reaches for our hands, every time he calls this place home – it’s all worth it.

If you’ve ever wondered about adoption, especially adopting an older child, I hope our story encourages you to take that first step. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present. Because every child deserves a place to call home – and you might be the one to offer it.

For more information on adoption, visit YouCanAdopt.co.uk. To check out Morgan’s children’s book My new Brother Beau, click here.