Nathan Henry on his evolving relationship with his father: ‘Growing up, me and my dad never had an emotional conversation’
Charting his father's Stage 4 cancer diagnosis, Henry calls new docuseries Geordie Stories: Nathan and Dad "the most terrifyingly honest experience I’ve ever had – but I don't regret doing it"
Geordie Stories: Nathan and Dad gives us a deeply personal side of you that we’ve never seen before. How would you describe your journey in your own words?
I think I’d describe it as the most terrifyingly honest experience I’ve ever had in my whole entire life. There was no room for not being vulnerable, for hiding away or shying away, I had to be the most vulnerable I’ve ever been, and I think that is the most honest description of my experience. But it’s also been a learning curve and it’s something I do not regret doing.
Were you nervous going into the project, what did you want to share?
The thing I had to share was that I had to create something for people to feel seen, and to feel heard. When I told my Dad’s story on Geordie Shore, the amount of messages I got from people saying that that resonated that their parent had cancer, or they knew someone with cancer, I knew straight away that the underlying [feeling] was that whatever we do now was going to have to help millions of people. I’ve got to use this platform for the good. I went into it thinking, f***, am I going to be able to do that, because I knew I had to do that and be that, to deliver this important message and be vulnerable, it was the realisation that I had to be vulnerable that was the hardest thing. Because I was like, am I capable of doing that? I’ve always been perceived as being bubbly and happy and jolly. Am I able to be that happy-go-lucky person, am I capable of being vulnerable and showcasing these emotions? And I didn’t know if I was going to be capable of doing that, but, I think we certainly got there in the end.
In the series, you and your dad visit Cancer Black Care, a space specifically supporting Black and minority ethnic communities affected by cancer. What did it mean to have that kind of representation and culturally-specific support during such a vulnerable time?
If I’m going to be completely honest here, the first ever cancer support group we went to, although this is where my dad did get misdiagnosed; no one in that room looked like my dad. This is no disrespect as well, but everyone in that room was also much older than my dad, so I was like, if you’re in a room of people that aren’t like you and you’ve got no one to even have some sort of connection with, especially in a support group, that’s a vulnerable place. If you can’t resonate with anyone in that room, you’re not going to talk, you’re not going to speak, you’re not going to get anything out of that. So I was like, it’s important that my dad goes to a group where he can feel he can talk.
I did take him, prior to that, to a women’s group. Well, it was to a cancer event where the majority of people there were women, and he did talk, and he did share a story. But again, he didn’t open up that much, so I think being at the Cancer Black Care support group was so important because one, near enough everyone there was from the Caribbean I think, and it doesn’t matter about their heritage but there was a woman in there that my dad was talking to, and she had [grown] up on the same street that my dad had [grown up] in Jamaica. Bear in mind this was prior to me telling my dad that we were going to Jamaica and he had no idea. So I was like, the fact that someone in this room that probably at some point in their life, maybe went to the same school as my dad, is sat in this room talking about her cancer, I knew straight away there and then, my dad is literally going to open up and be vulnerable, and I think it’s so important to see and have that representation and just that safe space where he could open up. And look what we got from that, we got a beautiful moment between me and my dad, him being very vulnerable which is going to help some more people, and not only that, it’s going to help other people that might be Black and have cancer, go through the same thing when they see that, and encourage them to go to these support groups and seek help, it’s very important.
There’s so much love and humour between you and your dad. How has this journey shifted your relationship?
Growing up, me and my dad never had an emotional conversation. The only emotional conversation I’d had with my dad prior to this documentary was when I came out to him. Other than that I couldn’t recall a single emotional conversation with him in my whole entire life. I think it’s completely shifted the dynamic now because we can have serious conversations, we can have open conversations, we can cry together, we can be our authentic selves around each other. Don’t get me wrong, the bickering is non-stop, we are like a duo. He’s started doing this really annoying thing where, when I’m talking, he tries to finish my sentence! No one in my whole entire life has ever done that, but then my dad doesn’t just do it to me, he does it to other people. I remember when we were filming, who was he talking to, and I was sat there thinking ‘Dad shut the f*** up because you are finishing that person’s sentence when we’re interviewing them or asking them a question, you can’t finish or put ideas into other people’s heads, you need to let them speak!’. It was stressful. I still can’t cope with it, it drives me insane!
How did being in Jamaica, your dad’s birthplace, deepen your understanding of each other?
I think being there and seeing where my dad came from and where he grew up, it was just so mad to think that he lived in a room that was literally no bigger than from that wall to here [gestures around room] with four other siblings, my grandma and my grandad. They lived in that. For 13 years. So hearing the story of where and how he grew up, and then putting a place to what I had imagined, it was just very surreal, because when he was telling the stories, I didn’t imagine that. I didn’t imagine that that would be what it looked like, and I was like, wow, I can’t believe you’ve grown up and gone from there to living where you are. It’s just crazy. And not even that, if my dad never came to England and met my mum, I could’ve also grown up in that home. Like, I could still be there now. It was just weird; a weird but amazing thing that we’ve done and I’m so glad that we’ve done it.
You opened up about navigating LGBTQ+ identity with Caribbean culture. Did anything surprise you about those conversations, either with your dad or other people.
With other people, absolutely yes. We had a conversation about some people that were from Kingston in Jamaica that, this is after 2010, that had been killed for being themselves. If I was sat here now having this conversation with someone in England, you would just think that is f*****g barbaric, and it is, that people can be killed just for being themselves. A trans girl went to a party with her friend, her friend escaped luckily with her life, but the other friend wasn’t so lucky and was mobbed to death. That is f*****g mindblowing that that could even happen, and that people aren’t safe. So I think it was important to have [those] conversations, because I myself have been to Jamaica and have experienced homophobia, not to that extent, but it’s just wild. And it’s still to this day, I just can’t wrap my head around it.
What do you hope viewers, particularly black men and queer people take from seeing your vulnerability with your dad?
I think one thing that I want them to take away, Black men who have queer children, no matter what they identify as: it could be lesbian, bisexual, trans, queer, you can love your child no matter what and be proud of who they are, and let them embrace their roots. I think that’s something me and dad have definitely managed to showcase during this. We’ve managed to showcase all aspects of our relationship, and I just hope other people can resonate. Especially for Black fathers, I think it’s such a strong message that my dad is sending out there, that he is so accepting of all of who I am and what I bring to the table, and that is something I hope Black fathers can take from this. And also queer people, queer Black people, too, if you do feel safe and have that environment, to open up to your parents, don’t deny them the privilege of knowing who you are, and being your authentic self around your parents. Because I hid who I was from my dad for three or four years, and I was like, it’s annoying now because he’s got stage four cancer – my dad lost out on four years of knowing who I was, and I’ll never get that time back. So now it’s obviously making up for that.
Do you think you opening up to him has made that relationship stronger?
A: I think me opening up and being my authentic self with my dad has created bonds I could never have imagined having as a child.
What do you think your dad wanted to leave behind for you and for anyone watching?
I think my dad, for him, his whole ethos, I think that’s the right term, was that he wanted to take away from this and learn and see what it’s like to be diagnosed, to see what his day to day life is like, to see how it’s not all doom and gloom and that there still is life after diagnosis. That’s what dad wanted people to take from this. And I agree, I want the same thing. I think also as well, we like the idea of my dad having a legacy, and the fact that we’ve done this in itself, this is a memory that’s always going to be there. If, for some god forbidden reason, by the time I have children, my dad’s not there to meet them, I’m always going to have this love letter that I can show my kids, and be like ‘that is your grandad, this is the relationship me and your grandad had’, and it’s just something for them to see and cherish forever.
What do you think your younger self would say if they could see you now?
They’d never believe you in a million years that this was going to happen, they’d be like absolutely not, one, your dad’s not going to accept you being gay, and two, your dad will never be on TV with you, because you and your dad just don’t have that relationship, that’s never going to happen, I just never would’ve believed that this would’ve occurred.
Nathan and Dad is available to watch now on the MTV Shores YouTube Channel and Paramount Plus now.