David Archuleta recalls suicidal thoughts as Mormon faith and sexuality clash in memoir, Devout
"God had apparently given up on me," Archuleta writes
By Aaron Sugg
David Archuleta has spoken about his struggles growing up gay in Utah as a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
With his religion and sexuality in conflict, in his new memoir, Devout, released on 17 February, he describes a dark moment in 2020 when he considered suicide to avoid meeting a woman.
In the book, he describes wanting to drive off a cliff. “I’d prayed so many times,” said the singer. “God had apparently given up on me.”
Archuleta rose to fame in 2008 when he finished as the runner-up on season seven of American Idol at just 17 years old, despite being closeted.
When did David Archuleta come out?
In 2021, Archuleta publicly came out as queer via a post on social media, and a year later he officially left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Speaking to Variety, he reflected on his time as a closeted rising star, when he was experiencing inner conflict between his religion and sexuality.
“I felt like I had to portray myself a certain way for so long, and now I can finally say, hey, just like I came out, I want to be able to give the whole story in the full picture, because it’s not always daisies and roses to get to where you are,” he said.
“I felt like I had to present myself that way all my life” – Archuleta on the pressures of being a gay, religious, rising star
His stardom and faith often clashed: “I felt like I had to present myself that way all my life. Especially as a Mormon and especially on American Idol.”
Even after coming out, and before leaving the church, his public display of visibility was praised by people online and in person, in religious spaces.
“I just felt like this whole subculture existed that I didn’t even know about, because I was always the good Mormon boy. And so I never heard about people who were struggling… I was struggling too,” he recalled, describing a moment when a fellow churchgoer confided in him.
“It took years of unlearning, looking at things in a new way, and healing” – Archuleta reflecting on writing Devout
In a reflective moment, Archuleta penned to Instagram, coinciding with the memoir’s release: “It took years of unlearning, looking at things in a new way, and healing… Thank you for holding space for me while I found my voice to tell this story, and for letting me share the journey with you.”
Archuleta hopes his book will continue to encourage change within the Mormon church regarding LGBTQ+ acceptance.
Devout is available to order now from various online retailers, with an audiobook version that also includes some of his music.
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