Man tells advice columnist his wife isn’t sleeping with him and it’s made him turn to men
'I've recently meddled in Skyping with some older guys from one of these sites'
By Joshua Haigh
A man’s question to an advice columnist has gone viral.
The anonymous man, 50, wrote to The Independent columnist Dear Mary about his struggle to remain monogomous in his marriage.
The man claimed that his sex life with his wife has been “almost non-existant” over the past two years due to her lack of sex drive, and he explained that this was making him have fanasties about sleeping with not just other women – but also men.
He told the columist: “I am a 50-something man married for over 25 years to a wonderful woman whom I love completely.
“Lately I’ve taken to fantasising about sex with anyone (male/ female/ group) and have registered on a few sites that facilitate gay/ bi/ group profiles and I’ve found that I have a growing fascination with older males.
“I’ve also recently meddled in Skyping with some older guys from one of these sites, just chatting initially and watching them masturbate and also I’ve masturbated on camera with one or two that I have come to fancy.
He continued: “Do I explore this side of my sexuality which I would have never considered until the last couple of years, or do I keep going as I am, feeling so isolated and missing the intimacy we had (albeit not very often)?”
Dear Mary responded: “I appreciate how difficult this must be for you and what a big step it is to actually verbalise what has been going on in your head for some time.
“You have gone from fantasising about sex with anyone at all – male, female or groups – to having what I would call virtual sex with some older men. This in itself is going beyond fantasy and you now find yourself one step away from making all this a reality and meeting up with one of these men to whom you find yourself attracted.”
“If there is more emotional intimacy, then sexual intimacy should follow but first you need to know her thoughts on where the relationship has faltered.
“If you feel closer to her then it may be that you feel more fulfilled, and the interest in pursuing male/male sex may subside. You owe it to both of you to do everything you can to keep your marriage healthy. But be careful of what you wish for – it may not turn out to be all that you had hoped,” she added.