Chateau Denmark in London review: If it’s good enough for David Bowie and Vivienne Westwood…
“I wouldn’t insult Chateau Denmark by calling it a hotel. It’s a mirror into the indulgent parts of yourself you don’t get to set free every day," writes Attitude’s Katerina Muszanskyj
To quote the devil in 2015 horror film The Witch: “Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?” If so, take my hand and let me guide you through the serpent-clad doors of Chateau Denmark in London…
When I first heard about this unique five-star hotel, tucked away on London’s iconic, blue plaque lined Denmark Street, I knew it was going to be rock and roll. If this 100-yard street is good enough for David Bowie and Vivienne Westwood, it’s good enough for me.
Denmark Street, also known as London’s ‘British Tin Pan Alley’ is famous for its rich music history, responsible for many moments that changed the world through sound. It’s where Thin Lizzy bought their first guitars as a band and Jimi Hendrix, The Rolling Stones and Black Sabbath recorded demos. It’s also where The Sex Pistols once called No. 6 home and where a 17-year-old Elton John (way before the ‘Sir’) had a job making cups of tea.
With the above history in mind, we stepped out of our taxi and took in the legendary surroundings. My partner’s eyes darted straight towards Hank’s rare guitar shop, and just as he took a step towards the door, we heard a friendly voice say, “Chateau Denmark?” Our luggage was promptly taken from our hands as we were led to reception — much to his (very fleeting) despair. Opposite reception was Tattu, one of two restaurants on site. We would be dining at Thirteen — more on that later.
The people who work at Chateau Denmark mirror its edgy energy perfectly: attentive, chatty, informed — but never invasive. We checked in swiftly, were handed our dinner reservation time, and escorted to our home for the evening: the ‘Townhouse Apartment’. A large blue door with a serpent-head knocker greeted us — and behind it, things really upped an octave.
We made our way up the shabby-chic staircase, and at the top, the word “Sinners” glowed in bright red neon. As we entered the gothic fantasy that was our room, the first thing we saw was a black and red standalone roll-top bath facing a fully stocked, industry-sized bar (which included my favourite — Crystal Head Vodka). We stepped into the bedroom, where a king-sized suite sat — big enough for ten plus me — with a full view of the famous street below, behind floor-to-ceiling silk drapes.
The attention to detail in the Townhouse was incredible. The “floral” wallpaper wasn’t made up of flowers at all, but of life-sized skulls. Meanwhile, the studs in the headboard were all shining, silver mini skulls.
Some special features are worth noting — spoilers, if you will — such as the heavy secret door leading to a beautifully tiled bathroom. My favourite aspect of the room was the double wardrobe, repurposed from a full-sized church confessional. Inside were laundry bags sporting the word “Filth” in gold embroidered letters.
The room also featured a human-sized “shelf” that could fit ten pairs of shoes (or two willing partners), and a BOSE sound system that echoed throughout the entire apartment. It served as the perfect accessory for my performance of AC/DC’s ‘T.N.T.’ to my adoring fans while freshening up for the evening.
A stone’s throw from the Townhouse is cocktail bar Thirteen at Chateau Denmark — a beast of its own. The décor is maximalist, fun, and downright fabulous. Serving up Japanese-inspired small plates to die for, their mini smoked duck tacos are a must. I paired mine with more than a few Lady Stardust cocktails—a nod to Ziggy himself. She’s made with 42 Below Vodka, Aperol, Cointreau, passion fruit, lychee, and sparkling wine. Simply delicious. Other standout cocktails include the Guilty Pleasure, Velvet Revolver, Twisted Sheets, and Gothic Fire.
As you’re now aware, rock and roll touches infiltrate every aspect of this luxurious experience—even down to the menu. The page I enjoyed most featured the words: “Eddie, Ate, Dynamite, Good, Bye, Eddie.” This mnemonic phrase helps guitarists remember the standard tuning of a six-string guitar, from low to high!
After dinner, we ventured out to watch the vampiric goth band Creeper perform at a sold-out KOKO. There, we sang the praises of our stay to a friend — a well-known local tarot reader from Treadwell’s Books — who spoke so highly of the owner of Chateau Denmark that we feel we must buy him a drink and thank him for making London sexy again. We then retired to our West London crypt to confess all our sins in the wardrobe.
I wouldn’t insult Chateau Denmark by calling it a hotel. It’s a mirror into the indulgent parts of yourself you don’t get to set free every day. A reminder that if you’ve got fangs to sink in once in a while. We can’t wait to return.
For more information about Chateau Denmark, check out the official website.