The Traitors winner Stephen Libby on how past gay trauma helped him during the game of deception (EXCLUSIVE)
"That’s what I would love to use this platform for – to help people like me who were really struggling like I did," says Libby
By Adam Miller
“I’m too fabulous for cybersecurity,” Stephen Libby laughs because, let’s face it, if any contestant from The Traitors is destined for great things, it’s him.
We’re speaking days after more than 10 million people anxiously watched Stephen and his fellow traitor Rachel Duffy somehow wriggle their way out of impossibly tight corners to win £47,875 each by turning the game on its head: the show that encourages a dog-eat-dog bloodbath was won by two allies who made a promise to carry each other all the way and stayed true to their word.
His model-good looks and flamboyant dress sense instantly grabbed the nation’s attention, but his approach to killing 20 players off with kindness – and sharing his experience of gay trauma so openly – firmly kept him in the hearts of the LGBTQ+ community, where he’ll stay for years to come.
“I didn’t need to do huge actions for people to feel like they resonated with a message” – Stephen Libby on LGBTQ+ representation on The Traitors
He tells Attitude: “The reaction from LGBTQ people has been overwhelming, because I have never thought of myself as someone who is like an overt campaigner. I just never felt learned enough in these kind of areas to be someone to use my voice but what I have realised is that I didn’t need to do huge actions for people to feel like they resonated with a message and just being open about my experiences.”
Among those experiences, which hit like a gut-punch for many – if not all – LGBTQ+ people watching from home, was the dinner party, where for a moment contestants put the game on pause to be vulnerable and share what they’d do with the money. Stephen recalled wanting to “pray the gay away”, spending so many years of his life hating who he was because the burden of his sexuality felt too heavy as a young man growing up on the Isle of Lewis under the guidance of the church.
He was sat beside ‘Matty’ Hyndman, co-founder of the Ban Conversion Practices group, who was subjected to conversion practices himself after his sexuality was shared in an email to his congregation. They embraced in a hug that, without saying a word, told each other: I see you and I love you.
“I wanted to make sure they knew that I’m okay now” – Libby on wanting to “pray the gay away” in his youth
Stephen happened to be with his family on the Isle of Lewis when that episode aired. “It was probably the best place for me to be, because although I’ve spoken to my family about this before, it’s not something that we revisit all the time so it’s allowed us to have that conversation and I wanted to make sure they knew that I’m okay now.”
But he had no idea quite how much that moment would move viewers, because so many of us could hear every unspoken word between them – and because so rarely do we see a beautiful platonic friendship, an integral part of the gay experience, grow in front of our eyes on prime-time television.
I ask Stephen why that’s so important. “Queerness is either always sexualised within kind of popular culture or we are like a token to another group like a group of girls so it’s very rare to just see platonic friends who are queer, just have a normal queer life so I didn’t think, ‘Oh, me and Matty hugging is groundbreaking,’ but the response has told me that there’s clearly something missing from popular culture that is pretty necessary for queer people to be able to see.”
“Being queer and in the public eye can bring with it its own challenges” – Libby on his friendship with The Traitors co-star Matthew Hyndman
Contrary to that moment, in the castle Stephen avoided Matty at all costs, “too scared” of his brilliant mind, which could well have ruined his path to glory. “But outside of the game he’s been really important to me. Being queer and in the public eye can bring with it its own challenges so having someone that has been through this exact experience beside me all the way is really important.”
Before the game had really begun, Stephen implied that his formative years of keeping his queerness secret – and adapting to environments around him even now – could help him succeed as a traitor. Even when the odds were stacked against him, he won by building such unshakeable trust with his fellow players. Does he think now that his sexuality helped him go all the way?
“I was always able to easily change myself” – Libby on how past gay traumas helped him adapt in the BBC game of deception
He says: “I probably knew I was different to other people from age nine or 10 so I learned how to morph for the situation that I was in. I became very good at hanging around with a group of straight lads in school and fitting in and I became very good at hanging around with the girls and their girlfriends and having a giggle with them too. I was always able to easily change myself in those environments and I do think that that’s something that’s helped me in life in general.
“If I would have been faithful in the game, I don’t think it would have been as necessary for me, but as a traitor I had to blend in. I mean, I’m saying blend in – my face was not really blending in anyway – but getting everyone on my side is something I’ve always had to try and do so yeah, I think it did help me.”
It’s been months since The Traitors wrapped up filming – months of keeping his win a secret and anticipating what life might look like once the show is out and more than 10 million people know who you are. It’s also been months of leaning on his boyfriend, actor and artist Daniel Quirke (who Stephen credits for all the professional shots on his Instagram page), and preparing for a very different life for both of them.
“I wanted to use it to champion whatever it is I want to do” – Libby on his career and relationship since winning The Traitors
“I’ve been very clear with my partner from the beginning that this is a crazy thing to happen to us,” Stephen says. “If any platform came from this, I wanted to use it to champion whatever it is I want to do, but also to champion him.
“He’s an incredibly talented artist, he’s a fantastic painter, and I just wanted him to kind of have some recognition and to benefit from this, because he’s having to put up with a lot – I’m not with him for so many hours of the day at the moment so, I want to make sure that benefits from this too. He’s doing fantastically well, his art is amazing, and he deserves his flowers, for sure.”
As for what else he plans to do with his platform in 2026, the obvious and natural next step is to get the nation into his trademark catsuits and pursue a career in fashion. “I got a sewing kit at Christmas,” he grins like a man with a plan. But perhaps more importantly, after growing up on the Isle of Lewis without a single LGBTQ+ role model to look up to, he wants to be the source of comfort to other queer people he never had.
“I would love to use this platform for – to help people like me” – Libby on new-found fame
“If I can help one person like get through the next day, or help them in their life a little bit, then I will be so proud of the fact that I’ve managed to have that impact. So for me, that’s what I would love to use this platform for – to help people like me who were really struggling like I did.”
Catch up on The Traitors via BBC iPlayer.
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