Freddie Fraser: Miranda Hart is the gift that keeps on giving as Celebrity Traitors tempt the yawning fates (EXCLUSIVE)
In his third weekly column for Attitude, The Traitors star Freddie Fraser gives his hot take on the latest celebrity instalment
Miranda Hart is the gift that keeps on giving. If Miranda is not touring with Little Mix in the near future, we have failed as a nation!! Screw the murder in plain sight, I want a full rendition of ‘Big Mix’ bussing it down with Leigh-Anne Pinnock. Now this is why I pay my TV licence, people. Give us the deleted scenes now, OMG! I was literally crying with laughter, so so so ICONIC! And if you need another backup dancer, I’m sure I could be the new ‘Medium Mix’.
Icons keep dropping like flies, it’s getting to the crux of the game, where friendships are put ASIDE and people really start thinking about the final. I’m not crying, you are. Two other divas bite the dust, Rob Beckett and Hannah Fry. Hannah, you absolute girl boss, in another life you won the whole thing as a superior Faithful. I must say, I thought her defence to Romesh Ranganathan, the judge in the cage, and then her defence at the roundtable was exceptional. Girl, you had me fooled, and I knew you were a bloody traitor. This is perhaps why I didn’t win the show, I’m pretty useless, you see.
Joe Lycett, you will be thoroughly missed
King Kenny, I have a bone to pick with you. Who said you were allowed to do the shower scene better than me? You must have lost your damn mind. Jokes, I guess I’ll pass on the crown to you. In fairness, I think this is the perfect recruitment, and finally we have someone who actually is up for murdering rather than James Acaster, who just doesn’t want to be in the turret. James, your days are outnumbered. You might be thinking, “Why have I said that?” as he currently has no heat on him, but hear me out. Kenny and Maya Jama seem very close. Perhaps, in a move only the tactical goddess that is Maya could orchestrate, she’s picked Kenny, a cemented faithful, so the two of them can team up. Then, when the Faithful start getting hungry for another Traitor, they’ll simply feed James to the lions. Not one person has mentioned Maya at the roundtable, she’s cementing herself in the Traitors Hall of Fame. Richard and I, sadly, didn’t make the cut.
Joe Lycett, you will be thoroughly missed! However, when you’re begging to be recruited as a traitor, what do you expect? I guess you and subtle don’t really go hand in hand. However, he did say he wanted the best of both worlds, before following it up with, “Well of course I do, I’m bisexual.” And I thought, you know what? You and me both, King.
Maya Jama needs to work on her yawning skills
I am so thankful that I wasn’t a Traitor when a murder in plain sight was taking place, because omg I would have gone into cardiac arrest immediately from the stress. And I’m sorry, what on earth was this murder in plain sight? Throwback to the good old days, where all it was, was a poison chalice or a kiss of death. Now, it’s a bloody five-part riddle, equation that even the queen Hannah wouldn’t even be able to solve.
What do you mean, you have to make someone yawn? I’m DEAD! Maya, we need to work on those yawning skills, because girl, you were being super bait. Could this be her downfall? Only time will tell. Either Jerry Hall or Ross Kemp have been murdered, or perhaps nobody has been murdered. The Traitors will be in immense trouble if Ross is still kicking about, because it looked like he caught on to the pair yawning. And Jerry, with her head in the clouds, probably doesn’t even know what day of the week it is.
A brilliant two episodes again, and let me end with this: and the BAFTA GOES TO MIRANDA AND LEIGH-ANNE for their sensational ‘Touch’ dance routine!
The Celebrity Traitors airs Thursday and Friday evenings on BBC One and BBC iPlayer.