Luke Evans memoir Boy From the Valleys – erotic gay books, religion and parents: ‘Torn between triumph and terror’
One of the few people to now have two Attitude trophies, Luke Evans, previously Man of the Year in 2020, returns to the Virgin Atlantic Attitude Awards, powered by Jaguar, this time taking the Book Award for his deeply personal memoir, Boy from the Valleys
From his early days growing up in a deeply religious Jehovah’s Witness family in Wales, to leaving home aged 17 in the 90s and moving to London’s hedonistic Soho, Luke Evans has come a long way. His life was transformed when he landed roles in big-screen smashes like Beauty and The Beast, The Hobbit, Fast & The Furious and more, becoming one of Hollywood’s most recognisable leading men.
In November 2024, Evans released his debut memoir Boy From the Valleys. The book’s success has now earned him the Book Award at the 2025 Virgin Atlantic Attitude Awards, powered by Jaguar.
In this extract from his memoir, the former Attitude cover star recalls the moment he first discovered the power of gay writing.
“In the far corner I came upon a display of books that literally made me freeze” – Luke Evans on discovering the LGBTQ+ section of a bookshop
On Saturdays, after we’d finished knocking doors, Mam and I would often go shopping in Cardiff. She’d head to Howells department store while I’d revel in the freedom of exploring the city alone without a destination in mind. Cardiff is famous for its maze of Edwardian and Victorian indoor shopping arcades, and one day I found myself in front of the entrance to a pretty arcade that I’d never visited before. The shops still had their original wooden facades, with ornate Venetian-style windows along the first floor and leaded Victorian lamps hung at intervals from the glass ceiling, adding to the feeling that you’d been whisked back a hundred years in time.
It was at the end of this arcade that I discovered the bookshop. It was called Chapter and Verse and was a charmingly quirky-looking place, the antithesis of bland corporate chains. Still, I couldn’t have imagined the impact this little shop was about to have on my life.
There was an older guy behind the counter, who I assumed was the owner, and he smiled and said hello as I came in, then went back to whatever he was doing, leaving me free to look around. I worked my way along the shelves, past alphabetised fiction, cookery, memoirs – and then in the far corner I came upon a display of books that literally made me freeze. It was the LGBT section, although that term wouldn’t have been used back then. (In those days it was basically all just ‘G’.)
“I shoved it back on the shelf, guilt and shame pummelling my growing excitement” – Evans on reading the blurb of his first gay novel
My heart racing, I selected a book at random: it was Maurice by E.M. Forster, one of the most celebrated literary gay novels, though I had no idea about any of that at the time. Turning it over with trembling hands, I read the blurb on the back cover: astonishingly frank account of homosexual relationships … profound emotional and sexual awakening … intimate tale of one man’s erotic self-discovery.
Oh my God. I shoved it back on the shelf, guilt and shame pummelling my growing excitement, and glanced back at the counter. To my relief, the owner was busy elsewhere, so I picked up the book again and started to read. My eyes grew wider with every page I turned. After that, I chose another book at random, and then another. There was a vast photographic book dedicated to the perfect male physique and I lost myself in the pictures inside. I was feverish, torn between triumph and terror. I had an incredible feeling of excitement: I knew I had found my place, somewhere I could learn more about the life I would have to lead one day, but what if somebody saw me in here? And, more importantly, how was I going to get these books home with me?
I was going to have to play the long game, I decided. I made a mental note of the books I wanted to buy and how much they cost and hurried towards the door. ‘Thank you!’ I called to the man at the counter. ‘I’ll be back!’
“There was the tricky issue of getting it home without Mam finding out” – Evans on sneaking gay literature back home
My plan was going to take patience, nerves of steel and a very roomy pair of trousers. From then on, every time I went to Cardiff with Mam I would go straight to Chapter and Verse to buy a book.
I could only get one at a time, partly because I needed to save up, but also because there was the tricky issue of getting it home without Mam finding out. The prospect of her seeing some of those books … well, it didn’t bear thinking about. I couldn’t carry my purchases in a bag, as she was bound to ask to see what I’d bought, so instead I would hide my new book down the back of my trousers, tie my jumper around my waist for added security and then sit very uncomfortably on the train next to Mam for the hour’s journey back to the Valleys. The final hurdle would be walking up the hill from the station, all the time desperately hoping the book wouldn’t drop out, and then – success! – I was home. Mission accomplished.
My plan worked brilliantly for the more slender volumes, but once I moved onto the heftier, pictorial books it became more of a challenge.
“It wasn’t there” – Evans hidden stash of LGBTQ+ novels had been found
At home I kept my stash of gay literature in a Kwik Save carrier bag, hidden in the lining of an armchair in my bedroom that had once been part of our old three-piece suite. Looking at my collection always brought a thrill, but there was also a lingering undercurrent of fear. I could still sense Jehovah’s disapproving eye on me, though the relief of knowing that I wasn’t on my own in the world outweighed any shame I might feel.
Thanks to my chance discovery of that bookshop, I finally had a source of information about gay culture. Chapter and Verse isn’t there any more – it’s now an organic beauty shop – but I’ll be forever grateful to the owner for throwing this confused thirteen-year-old boy a lifeline.
By the age of fifteen I’d built up quite a collection of books, then one day I slid one hand inside the lining of the armchair to retrieve the Kwik Save bag and it wasn’t there…
This is an excerpt from a feature appearing in the 2025 Attitude Awards issue. To see the full feature, order your copy of the Attitude Awards 2025 issue now or read it alongside 15 years of back issues on the free Attitude app.