Polyamory, monogamy or body type fetishes? Myra DuBois answers your questions (EXCLUSIVE)

As seen on television, star of stages and screens both large and small, popular on either side of the hemisphere and beyond, the multi-award-winning Ms Myra DuBois humbly answers your problems. Relationships can be complicated: does size matter? Are we going too fast or too slow? And not just in the timing sense, if you know what we mean. Well, alas, Myra is here to solve your love-life questions. Here, she dives into the world of polyamory and monogamy, as well as the insecurities that can come with not being your partner’s usual “type”.

Polyamory or monogamy?

Dear Myra, 

Recently, my relationship got serious. We became “boyfriends”. Then came the subject of monogamy. I’m not against opening the relationship in the future, but I’m not ready yet. My boyfriend is very understanding and, so far, monogamy has been good for us. But I feel that our relationship is seen as invalid among our fellow queers. I worry I’m trapping my boyfriend in a relationship type that he doesn’t want. How do I unpack this? 

Thomas, Stockport   

Dearest Thomas, 

It sounds like you’ve been honest about your feelings, and he’s listened. Great communication – that’s rare!  

It’s not a case of “open relationships good, monogamy bad”. Humans are complicated, with a myriad of needs, often subconscious. People will pursue monogamous relationships without a thought as to what they truly want because society has raised them this way. There is no interrogation of desires and so, eventually, they cheat. LGBTQ+ people have a head start. We have more freedom in how we shape our relationships, with less societal pressure to conform in a certain way. 

It is not “polyamory good, monogamy bad”. Monogamy can be wonderful, but it has no superiority over polyamory. Different things work for different people.  

However, it sounds like you know both yourselves and what pace feels right for you. Keep that up. If opening the relationship feels correct later down the road, talk about it. Then you can both make informed decisions from a place of love. You’re not trapping your partner in anything; he is choosing YOU.  

As for pressure from your peers… The fact is, non-monogamy receives a lot of societal scorn. People in those relationships must advocate for the validity of their love much louder than others, but it doesn’t mean they hate monogamy. No one is judging you. You’ve found love; don’t ruin it for yourself by worrying what others think.  

In short: you’re fine; no one cares; get over it. 

Enjoy l’amour. 

Fondly, Myra DuBois 

Are my sexual preferences problematic?

Dear Myra, 

A partner has noticed that all my other sexual partners/exes share a body type. They’re all big boys! They’ve accused me of having a fetish, jokingly, I assume, but now I’m worried my sexual preferences are problematic. Am I the problem? 

Andi, Edinburgh  

Dearest Andi,  

Let’s face it, attraction is physical. Personality does matter, but the physical? It’s the bait on the hook. Over time, with enough “history” behind you, you notice a pattern. This parade of broken hearts has a few features recurring frequently. I’m not immune to this phenomenon. All the entries in my carnal catalogue are rich men with dead mothers. Love is love.  

However, and I shall speak carefully as we are entering sensitive waters, there’s a difference between having a type and fetishising someone. Firstly, be curious as to what sparks this desire. Unconscious bias? Ableism? Racism? Consider if your partners are harmed by your attraction. Do you see them for who they really are, or are they an object?   

These are big subjects and, despite being a committed practising Contentious Caucasian, I don’t have the lived experience to lecture on sexual racism, but when it comes to your specific example of liking a bigger body, I think you’re fine. In a society that is constantly pushing thinness on us, it’s refreshing to talk honestly about an attraction to fat people, and I use that “F” word without shame! Just make sure it comes from a place of respect.  

Fondly, Myra DuBois

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This is a feature appearing in the September/October 2026 issue of Attitude, available on digital platforms and in print now.