Are gay men doing enough to support trans men? Four voices have their say

Jake Graf (he/him), actor, author, filmmaker

As a transgender man, I want to acknowledge the gay men who are doing incredible work to uplift and protect trans lives. Your allyship is vital and deeply appreciated. But too many gay men are silent right now, when trans people — especially trans youth and trans women — are under relentless attack.

It may feel like an unnecessary effort to fight a battle that is not your own, but please remember those trans folk who fought alongside you when society was treating gay men with exactly the same contempt as it treats us now. Just as you deserved your dignity and equality, so do we.

I’ve heard the excuses: “It’s too complicated.” But complexity is not an excuse for inaction. What some call “debate” is, for us, a fight for basic human rights and dignity.

Many gay men occupy influential roles in media, politics and LGBTQIA+ organisations. These come with a responsibility to use your platform for advocacy. Your silence speaks volumes. In the past, others stood up for gay men in their darkest moments. Trans people are asking for that same solidarity now. We need your voices, your action, your courage. We need you with us.

Leng Montgomery (he/him), DEI leader

It’s difficult to know what’s enough when many gay men claim to support action — but remain largely silent. Some don’t see how it affects them, revealing a lack of empathy. For others, there’s relief they’re not the target — perhaps due to past stigma against gay men.

In the UK, issues like the chemsex scene, struggles for agency and reluctance to “rock the boat” mean some gay men feel disconnected from or unaware of the challenges trans people face. There’s also the misconception that queer lives are just memes or Drag Race characters, which further trivialises real issues.

Some gay men treat trans people, especially trans men, as a “dirty secret” — liked in private but unsupported in public. Allyship can be conditional. In some cases, it is absent, with individuals endorsing trans-exclusionary views. I’ve received vile messages on apps like Grindr from people who’ll have sex with me but otherwise won’t acknowledge me, as it’s about a novelty or an exotic extra hole.

This needs to change. Real progress depends on how we show up for one another — with respect, visibility and genuine solidarity. 

Miri Layzell-Calder (he/him), musician and youth worker

This is an endless conversation with lots of nuance and varied experiences, but in short, I think the answer is no. 

I have a lot of privilege as a trans man. Born in Brighton, I’ve been able to grow up and transition around a lot of queer people. With transitioning specifically — racism is another story — I’ve been able to feel safe for the most part. Being a queer man, people immediately assume you’re gay — at least in my case, where passing is concerned. They sense the queer radiating through me but can’t quite put their finger on what it is. Realising you are trans is a massive part of your identity but can actually be a very small part of who you are. 

Trans men developing an attraction to men after HRT is something that happens, which I’m trying to accept about myself. 

It can be hard navigating the world when cis men have lived with male privilege from the beginning. It’s different with trans men. We don’t have that innate confidence. 

Now is the most important time for education and solidarity. You’ve got to know why you love something in order to fight for it.

Theodore Kwo (he/him), musician and artist

As independent humans, we often move through the world not noticing the burdens we carry until the load is shared. Transition is so personal that it can be a lonely experience. I conjure my own self-reliance to combat the inevitable trials that come with the trans experience. As someone who wants to be a catalyst for their own empowerment, a question like “Are gay men doing enough to support trans men?” wouldn’t even occur to me. But as the world keeps getting more terrifyingly dangerous for trans people, the burdens are becoming increasingly unbearable. 

I’ve recently relocated from the US to London and am grateful for my queer community that I’ve been able to find here. Even as I learn about the dreadful parliamentary bills being passed, it’s still a relief to have escaped the abundant transphobic violence and vitriol back in the States. Part of that relief comes from participating in trans fundraising events organised specifically by gay men, as well as other trans folks, and the queer community at l