‘You don’t go from hating yourself to loving yourself overnight. It’s like learning a language’

In this extract from his Real Bodies feature in the latest issue of Attitude – out now – nutrition expert and author, Daniel O’Shaughnessy discusses his relationship with his body as a gay man, overcoming body dysmorphia and embracing his reflection.

“I think it’s important to address the relationship you have with yourself and your body, because that will impact the relationship you have with food. Even professionals overlook this at times. As someone with body dysmorphia, my relationship with my physique is always going to be a struggle.

“I used anabolic steroids for a few years and ignored the side-effects. I’d take another pill to offset them. Steroids seemed like a solution, but actually created bigger health problems, which was ironic with me being a nutritionist.

“You don’t go from hating yourself to loving yourself overnight. It’s like learning a language. But after a year of committing to working on myself, I can finally say that I love myself. This means really doing what is right for my mind and body — no longer taking steroids or substances, partying excessively or other numbing behaviours.

“I care about what goes into my body but not in an obsessive way. I’m not counting calories or macros because I know that isn’t good for me. I also know my triggers, so I changed gyms, let go of some “friends” and surrounded myself with more authenticity.

“But the most remarkable shift in my relationship with my body is the unconscious change in thought. The innate feeling that I needed to get into the best shape possible in order to be loved. I used to view my body with disgust. I’d look in the mirror and constantly pick out what was wrong with it and what I needed to improve. I’d wince in agony at someone paying me a compliment, yet ironically yearn for validation and seek it in unconscious ways.

“My body used to be something that was doing one of two things: cutting fat or gaining muscle. Now, it’s so much more than that. I care more about my health and nourishing myself than what the scales say. I also know how to listen to my body, such as taking a break when I need to, learning to say no, and connecting my emotions to my body so I’m not cluelessly anxious.

“The best way I can put it is it’s like Kintsugi, the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — a metaphor for embracing your imperfections. I used to do everything I could to look my very best at all times, which was obviously tied into the trauma of being called fat, ugly and so on.

“When I look in the mirror now, I see I’ve become my trauma and embraced my flaws and perfections. I don’t need to be a ripped cover model; it’s more about accepting my body for what it is, being healthy and nourishing it rather than engaging in practices which are damaging. My body represents that journey I have been on to self-love, an imperfect road which isn’t necessarily in a straight line.

“Nutrition can be an overwhelming subject and the more you learn, it can feel like the less you know. The best bit of advice I could give is it’s more than just calories and diets. It plays a big role in health and lifestyle.

“It’s also important not to overcomplicate everything and to do what works for you. Whatever adjustments you decide to make, do them at your own pace. Sometimes just two lasting changes is better than a complete overhaul which you break within a week.”

Naked Nutrition by Daniel O’Shaughnessy is out now.