Dame Kelly Holmes on coming out and LGBTQ+ Military ban: ‘I’m still learning about myself’ (EXCLUSIVE)

‘Standing out at school, I thought, ‘Well, you can either be different and then be scared and intimidated, or you can go, well, I don’t want to be the same as you anyway and take control of it.’”

It’s this no-nonsense attitude that’s powered Dame Kelly Holmes through a life defined by resilience and achievement: from a childhood where she felt like the odd one out, to the Olympic podium, to the stage at Pride in London. All this is why she is one of our Pride ICON winners at the PEUGEOT Attitude PRIDE Awards Europe, supported by British Airways.

For decades, Holmes lived in the shadows. Now, she’s stepping into the light, determined to live every bit of her truth.

Born in Kent in 1970, Holmes spent her early years in care before living with her family. “My mum had me quite early. She settled with who I call my dad to this day when I was seven,” she says. “My mum’s British white and my stepdad and all my siblings are white. I grew up in a very white area of Kent and my school friends were all white.”

Always being the only mixed-race child in the room would be isolating for most, but Holmes learnt to own it. “Back in the day, when Boney M sang ‘Brown Girl in the Ring’… inevitably, I was going to be the girl stuck in the ring,” she laughs. “But my mindset was a really positive one, thinking, ‘Yeah, I love being in the ring because I’m centre of attention.’”

But confidence didn’t always come easily. Holmes struggled in the classroom, feeling excluded and misunderstood. “I was always outside the classroom. I didn’t connect with anything that people taught me. And back then, of course, you don’t get any diagnosis of anything. It’s just: you’re useless, or thick, or you’re attention-seeking.”

It was only when PE teacher Debbie Page pulled her aside that things started to shift. “She said, ‘You’re so good at running and sport. If you believe in yourself, then you could be really good at it.’”

“I hated the fact that [another girl] beat me but it was like fire in my belly” – Dame Kelly Holmes

Inspired, Holmes joined a local athletics club. Within six months, she came second in a national cross-country race. “I hated the fact that [another girl] beat me,” Holmes laughs, “but it was like fire in my belly.” Sport then became her focus. “That was what would become the love of my life, my future, my career and my dreams coming true.”

Just before her 18th birthday, she enlisted in the Women’s Royal Army Corps, where, during basic training, she had her first same-sex experience. “She kissed me down in the toilet blocks, and I was like, ‘Oh, OK!’… It didn’t feel odd. It didn’t feel anything. It just felt comfortable.”

But serving while gay was illegal. “The consequences of being found out were that you could get kicked out, lose your career, be jailed, court martialled.” In her early twenties, military police raided Holmes’s dorm, searching for evidence of same-sex relationships. “It was like if you’re at home and burglars are in your room, ransacking it and pulling everything apart — quite terrifying.”

Despite the pressure, Holmes rose through the ranks and was awarded an MBE in 1998 for her service — a bittersweet moment. “The biggest threat to my career was my biggest recognition as well,” she says.

At 27, she left the Army to pursue athletics full-time. She says of her need to win: “To not live for regret. To have control over that one part of me that makes me feel good. Maybe to prove other people wrong.”

“Sport was my life, my saviour, who I am. The identity that masked everything else” – Dame Kelly Holmes

In 2004, Holmes made history by becoming the first British woman to win double Olympic gold on the track, taking titles in both the 800m and 1500m. But behind the medals, she was struggling. “I had a breakdown the year before Athens, became a self-harmer. I didn’t want to be here. It was all too much… Everything was going wrong at the same time.

“Sport,” she says, “was my life, my saviour, who I am. The identity that masked everything else.”

In 2008, she launched the Dame Kelly Holmes Trust, which mentors disadvantaged young people through sport. “I believe one person can make a difference to a young person’s life, as my PE teacher did.” One girl, she recalls, was a teenage mum headed for prison. “She now runs apprenticeship schemes and has turned her life around.”

But Holmes’s own transformation happened in 2022, when she came out in the ITV documentary Being Me. “I’m a gay woman, but I’ve been unable to live my life authentically,” she says in the film’s opening scene. It was a truth she’d kept from the public for years.

“I thought, ‘Gosh, if I die, all my friends and family know about me and love me to bits… but they’re all going to be at my funeral going, ‘Isn’t it a shame she couldn’t live her life?’” she says. That fear had haunted her for decades.

“I went through a really bad period of time where I made a decision to live and not to take my life… I had to do something where it gave me the ability to — in my eyes — free myself.”

Soon after, she was invited to speak on stage at Pride in London — her first experience of attending any kind of Pride event. “To be on the stage addressing the crowd was the most powerful moment I could ever have in my life, because it flipped the switch.”

“I didn’t even know what an ally was or what LGBTQIA+ meant [before]” – Dame Kelly Holmes

Invited to the Attitude Awards that same year, Holmes says she was blown away by the sense of celebration and solidarity. “How did I not know that so many people were part of this community? I didn’t even know what an ally was or what LGBTQIA+ meant [before].”

Now living in Kent with her partner Louise, Holmes continues to speak out on inclusion, performance and mental health. “I’m unapologetically someone that works very hard and loves doing what I do.”

Coming out, she says, wasn’t just about acceptance. It was about starting again. “I’m still learning about myself. I feel like I’m in my fifth life,” she says. “It’s incredible to be at this stage of my life, to be recognised in this world, to be part of it, to be free, to be happy and to be proud of who I am.”

After a lifetime of running, Dame Kelly Holmes is finally home.