The library is open! Officially! Having sulked about Acid Betty’s elimination for much of the last week, I now see it was a masterstroke. Like Game of Thrones
or The Walking Dead
, this season…NO-ONE IS SAFE.
The episode starts with the yearly ‘reading’ challenge. Why? Because reading is what?
Top 5 Reads:
Chi Chi to Thorgy: "I love you so much, I don’t know whether to hug you or put some change in your cup."
Kim Chi to Chi Chi: "Your drag is just like turkey neck…it’s cheap and nobody wants it."
Kim Chi to Naomi: "Your drag reminds me of a legendary queen… Nicole Paige Brooks."
Robbie to Naomi: "No-one’s going to take you seriously if you were born after Windows 95 came out."
Bob to Derrick: "It is a known fact Derrick Barry is not very smart. When she heard Britney Spears, she said 'gee I prefer fencing'."
Poor Naomi. Bob won the challenge, furthering the Julius Caesar storyline whereby Thorgy Thor will eventually go full Gretchen Wiener and JUST TOTALLY STAB CAESAR. As with Bianca Del Rio before her, it’s important, I suppose, to not
make it too obvious that Bob is going to win.
For the main challenge, the queens are paired with the diminutive cast of Little Women LA (it airs in the UK right after Australia’s Next Top Model, fact fans). Each pair must create Wizard of Oz themed drag AND perform an interpretive dance.
That siren you can hear is the PC Police circling the mere concept that little people would be munchkins in 2016.
Aside from some workroom bickering, there wasn’t too much content this week. I think it’s fair to say the interpretive dance section didn’t quite
work (it didn’t work at all), although there were some highly inappropriate chuckles to be had from 6’4 Kim Chi pretending to punch a small person. I’m not sure, to be honest, anyone else really knew what interpretive dance was.
Let’s head straight to the main stage and score the queen’s efforts.
Naomi Smalls (A-)
Oh I get it now! They didn’t send Naomi home last week because they somehow knew this was going to happen. I have heard Naomi described as ‘Budget Raja’ (ooh burn), but there were intriguing flashbacks to The Most Fashion Queen Ever in Naomi’s scarecrow couture. Well done, Naomi, I knew you had it in you! I’d legit wear that skirt.
Kim Chi (B+)
Kim Chi interpreted Wicked Witch in a slightly Beetlejuice direction, but they looked beautiful and their interpretive dance was the only one worth watching. (Be warned, the rest were an unmitigated disaster...)
Thorgy Thor (B)
I actually didn’t hate the dried green wigs. It was all very Laganja Estranga and, vitally, they looked like the people of the Emerald City via Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. I know we’re supposed to really love Thorgy, but I do find her a bit whiny.
Bob The Drag Queen (C-)
As mentioned, this week Bob had
to be a bit rubbish for narrative reasons. And rubbish she was. I can’t even with that runway look. I mean, when was Glinda a redhead? Did I miss something?
Chi Chi Devayne (D)
Who wore it best? Chi Chi or Whoopi Goldberg in Jumpin’ Jack Flash when she fell into a shredder? You know the scene right? I like Chi Chi, I really do, but rarely on Drag Race have we seen such a manly
queen. Over the years, even as viewers, we’ve learned the tips and tricks. We know
how it’s all about perspective. Look at Milk in series 6 – a huge, muscular guy – but she never looked as masculine as Chi Chi. It must be frustrating to any
of the eliminated queens this season that someone lacking even basic drag skills is still in the competition at this stage.
Derrick Barry (D)
I’m fascinated by the evolution of Derrick. She thought she had this season IN THE BAG, but for poor Derrick, this must feel like she’s checked into hostel. From ‘Hostel’. This is torture
to watch, so one can only imagine what poor Brit Brit is going through. She’s such
a mess and the breakdown is TV gold. That said, ‘may I leave the stage now?’ was the biggest laugh of the episode. D
Robbie Turner (D-)
I’m glad Robbie left, because of the waistline of that fucking horrid dress, although I’m glad that before she left I figured out who it is she reminds me of. Can you remember Smack The Pony? She’s Doon Mackichan! Especially Doon Mackichan doing ‘I’m a byoootiful laydy with long, blonde hur and enormous breasts!’ We can all sleep better for knowing that. Bye, gurl, bye!
Next week: The queens get political and make smear campaigns attacking their rivals! Topical! Shady!
Words: Juno Dawson
RuPaul's Drag Race Ru-cap, Episode 5: 'Supermodel snatch game'
8-year-old star of New York Pride delivers fierce routine to RuPaul's supermodel